Heavy hearts
I have written & deleted this post so many times. I want to start off by saying-while I focus on the children’s lives that have been lost this past week, I in no way want to take away from the enormous loss of so many others. Moms, Dad, Grandparents, Friends-all of these losses are hard for those that love them. I am just writing this from the view of having walked through the last year of our own loss and trauma of loosing a child.
Loosing a child is nothing any parent should ever have to experience. It has been 16 months since Aspen died, 20 years since we lost Levi and 13 and 11 years since I had my two miscarriages. It is still hard to write those words, and I don’t think that will ever change. It doesn’t matter the circumstances behind those losses. Each loss is different, each loss hurts, but these losses connect us in a way like nothing else can.
It has been a heavy week in Texas. I, like many of you, have felt the crushing weight of emotions as more reports are shared. So much death, so many families whose lives will forever be different. Their lives will be harder, sadder, and all have less laughter in them. These families will scream, cry, laugh, and fall into bed totally exhausted but unable to sleep, just to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow. They will battle lies from the enemy, they will have nightmares & their marriages will be pushed to the limits. These families will also cling to Jesus with everything they have left in them, worship more fully, love more deeply, care more intently, and look more expectantly towards Heaven.
When all of the news reports started flooding media, my heart broke, and the more they shared, the more that I found myself right back to that early Sunday morning. Right back to the trauma. I could hear those other precious mamas-wailing-wailing for their sweet babies, as I did that morning. There were no tears, just deep sounds of grief that came from the depths of my soul. I could feel my heartbeat out of my chest, the room spin around me, and my chest feel like a train just ran me over. I could picture these parents breaking the news to siblings, grandparents and friends and it broke me. It broke me because no one should ever have to feel this kind of pain and trauma.
We have all asked the same questions-WHY? Why my girl? Why these sweet kids? Is God even who He says He is? Is He really good..even in this?
I wish I had the answer to why things like this happen. (Other than we live in a fallen world and satan will do anything he can to steal, kill and destroy). I wish I could look at each of these parents and tell them that time will heal their grief. While healing does come, none of us will ever feel whole or complete again until we are reunited with our children in Heaven. We will all have moments where the trauma and grief come and hit us before we even realize what’s about to happen. We will always have a deep ache in our souls for our sweet babies. Yet, even in the hard, we will stay strong. We will find joy in the memories, laughter will return to our homes, and God will keep His promises. One day, all will be made right.
I encourage you, to take a step back. Step back from being overrun with news reports. Step back and look and see where you find God. He is there, He is always there. Deuteronomy 13:5-says “I will never leave you, or forsake you.” He was there with Aspen, just like He was there will all of these victims from the flood. I truly believe that each one of these that died last week were able to look Jesus right in the face, they had their gaze locked on Him. They went straight from this world, to Heaven. In a split second they were in a place where they knew no more pain or fear. There was no distance that separated them. They were each greated by loved ones that had made it to Heaven before them. I think these sweet girls all got to be there together-getting to step into Eternity with their Savior.
I also believe God was right there with each family member, just like He was there with us. He was there holding me as the shock set in and I shook violently. He was there as we held each other as a family and wept. He is there with each of these families. Not only was Jesus right there, but we were also all surrounded but family, friends, community & strangers-Jesus working through each of these people to show us Himself. He’s there with each first responder as they speak to the families and work tirelessly to help families find their loved one so that maybe they would have a little peace. He was there that early morning in the raging flood waters. None of this caught him off guard, though He weeps with each of us when we weep. Each tear from families, friends, first responders, & strangers is noticed by the Lord. Psalm 56:8 “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
While what we have walked through over the past 16 months (or even our other losses) is different than the journey that these families are walking through, none of it is easy. We don’t need to compare hard stories, but instead be there to listen with compassion and love as we create a space to share our stories. We need to be bold in asking people to share about their loved ones. It shouldn’t be weird or uncomfortable to sit and listen to a mom talk about the child that she lost. Who this child was, and the dreams she had for them. We all share about the accomplishments of those children while they are living, so why should that change. The impact that these children will continue to have does not stop because they are in Heaven. They will continue to live out their destiny. Their lives will continue to impact people and change lives.
If somehow this reaches any of these families impacted by the tragedy in Texas, please know you are not alone. So many people are praying for you and standing in the gap when you are too exhausted to even pray. Just remember that in the coming months when you feel like everyone else has gone on with their lives and you feel alone-that is a lie from the pit of hell. Satan wants to isolate you. He wants to keep you from worship, community, and he wants nothing more than to destroy you, your family & your marriage. Find those people who can by your Aaron and Hur and hold you up on the days that you don’t feel like you can even get out of bed. Exodus 17:12 “But Moses’ hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it u under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron an Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.”
If you are in community with a family who looses a child-step up and be the Aaron and Hur to them. Don’t ask them what they need. They don’t know. Their minds and hearts can’t process anything other than the basic functions. Ask the Lord what they need and then do it! Right now they have so many people caring for them but as the months and years go by everyone moves on, but they are still very much in the midst of grief. It doesn’t have to be anything big. Send a card or a text and just let them know you are still thinking about them. There will be days when they will be crying out to God asking Him if He sees them. Be the hands and feet of Jesus and listen to HIS prompting, the timing may seem odd to you, but I promise it will come on a day they are needing a tangible touch from The Lord. Take them a meal, a gift card for a restaurant or even a gift card to do something fun…yes, even months down the road. While they may get to a point that they “seem” to be back on their feet and making it, I promise they have days where they are just hanging on by a thread. Days that the grief hits so hard, but they still have to be a parent to their other children. Offer a night of relief where they can say that someone else is praying for their family and wanted to treat them. It will bless them more than they can ever express. Offer to help with other children so they can get out of the house and focus on each other. Arrange for their house to be cleaned-by either you or go in with some other community and hire someone. As moms, we all know how refreshing having a clean house is! God has gifted each of us with hearts to serve in different ways. Just listen and let God lead you!
To the first responders-I have so much more to say about what you do on a daily basis-the sacrifices you and your families make, the things you experience that no one thinks about. Maybe soon I can get my thoughts together for a separate post. Just know, you and your loved ones are prayed for. We pray for strength and endurance, for peace & for protection for your heart and mind. You truly are being the hands and feet of Jesus.
I pray that this encourages you. I will close with a few statements that we still continue to cling to.
God is still on the throne and He WINS!
Satan messed with the wrong family
He will redeem and restore. He will bring beauty from ashes.